It never ceases to amaze me how when I ask for what I want…it comes. Like when I said I never wanted to see you again. And you got up from the table and walked out.
Your Soul knows what’s good for you but your heart grieves it anyways.
keeping it real
I have begun to imagine these stories about everyone I meet and it has changed my view of the world.
They don’t tell you this in Disney movies. They don’t show the Prince navigating his midlife crisis with a sports car and a sudden affinity for the gym. They don’t show the Princess crying herself to sleep wondering if she’s lost the best years of her life to someone who barely seems to acknowledge her.
We don’t discuss the in between from lust and butterflies to real love. That sticky, awful mess of a place where you genuinely wonder if you were high when you picked your partner. It’s almost like you have to be picked apart, stripped right down before you can start to really love someone. It’s where you stare it right in the eyes, the idea that you can hate someone as much as you love them. And when you get there… right there, that’s when it’s real. You embrace the ridiculous vulnerability and recklessness of navigating the human inclination to be selfish and fickle. We’re such assholes to each other. The longest relationships I have witnessed will tell you that first and then admit their deep and abiding love.
I can only tell you, that I’ve never loved anyone who didn’t make me feel like I was losing my mind.
As you get older you start to become familiar with, even content with the idea of attrition. The thinning of the herd. The falling away of what doesn’t feed your soul anymore. You no longer feel the need to be liked by everybody. And people you thought would be in your life forever become strangers to you. You start to have more vacancies than applications for the lead roles in your life. You’ve been burned, you’re less apt to trust or frankly just give up some up your precious energy for people you don’t even know. You don’t expect to meet people later in your life that will become such a big part of your life. It’s just not common. And I suppose it would take an uncommon person to be that rare bird. Just over one year ago I met Kim and we’ve been tried and true homies ever since. I admire the way she can organize me and redirect me without making me feel disorganized (but we all know I am). I envy how she can swing a hammer and slip into heels all in the same day. She’s sweet but she’ll tell you like it is, then tell you a dirty joke right after. She makes me feel so worthwhile, as if she has known me her whole life, as if her life depends on our combined sanity – indeed it’s sometimes the only sanity we can count on. She’s had a tough year culminating only in her getting tougher. I’m grateful to the powers that be for sending her my way so late in the game. It has really made the game worth playing. And she’s got a great ass ; )
It’s her birthday today and sometimes the best gift is to tell someone how much they mean to you. Happy Birthday Kim. ♥
There is something so powerful about taking your life seriously enough that you treat yourself as if you were the most precious thing on earth. You are.
I love Christmas so much.
It wasn’t always that way. If I go back too far in my memory, it just hurts. So I chose to stay here in this Christmas. I chose to love Christmas. And it has been loving me back ever since. ♥
Despite how troublesome life can be, I am always excited to see where I end up. It’s this enthusiasm that abates the small voice in my head that says I can’t do it. Clearly, I have.
Can you imagine if we all followed this? Think about how many times you have allowed other people to steal your unique light…your joy…your self. It happens so quickly and we think we are doing the right thing by following the stream. You are not a salmon. You are amazing. Don’t hang with people who don’t think so too.
This simple perspective changes everything. It’s the beauty of an open mind.
When I’m struggling, I find this incredibly hard to believe. But when I think about it, when I think about the wonderful memories from the past, it proves it must be true. One day, I will look back on these days and see what I’m missing about my joy today. I’m working on appreciating that.
brandiland.net 